Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
