Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize