I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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