There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize