Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
