I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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