I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
