Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
