i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My balls are so social today.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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