69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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