Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize