They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
