Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
