At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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