Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
