If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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