so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
