In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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