someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize