After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
