I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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