I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
