The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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