I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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