you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
