Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize