ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You ruined the universe
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
