i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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