It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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