you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
