That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
