i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
