I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
