Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
