my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
