I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
