You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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