Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
