Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
