she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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