3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
