What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize