Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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