Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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