When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
