New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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