I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
