Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
