I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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