based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
