Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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