need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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