3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize