She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
