I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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