You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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