dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
