cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
