I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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