Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
