I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
