What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
