When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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