is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
