she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
