she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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