is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
