His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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