Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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