just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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