Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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