"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
