Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
