Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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